
How Fletcher Became Her Own 'Girl Of My Dreams'

It was 2020, and Cari Fletcher realized she hated the person she saw in the mirror.
The queer indie-pop artist (who performs mononymously as Fletcher) was fresh off the promotional grind for The S(ex) Tapes, a moody, synth-driven EP she wrote and recorded in the aftermath of her split from her ex-girlfriend, actress and influencer Shannon Beveridge. The breakup happened during the early days of the COVID-19 pandemic, so Fletcher and Beveridge were stuck quarantining together at Fletcherâs childhood home in New Jersey. Theyâd dated fairly publicly for three years, and Beveridgeâs massive social media following had helped propel Fletcher into the spotlight during the early days of her music career.
Things between them ended amiably â hell, Beveridge even filmed and directed all of Fletcherâs S(ex) Tapes-era visuals. But single life left Fletcher with too much time to replay the relationshipâs demise. It didnât help that being #messy â making drunken mistakes, not being ready to settle down, hooking up with her ex â was a through-line in her music, and thus part of her personal brand. With nowhere else to go, she turned inward, and what she found made her feel âfucking miserable.â
âI was going through it,â Fletcher tells MTV News over Zoom. âLike, âFuck, why don’t my relationships work out? Why am I so codependent?â [The breakup] made me ask all these questions and realize that I have to take accountability for the roles Iâve played, and the healing work I havenât done. I was like, âThere has to be another story here, there has to be,â and it was the very one that was looking back at me in the mirror that I was ignoring.â
Fletcher documents this painful journey of self-reflection on Girl of My Dreams, her years-in-the-making debut album, out today (September 16). âI wanted to give a really honest representation of [healing],â she shares. âYou can’t just arrive at a fucking self-love album. Like, you gotta start at the stain.â Indeed, the album picks up right where The S(ex) Tapes left off: with Fletcher processing her ill-fated relationship with Beveridge. âHonestly, all I wanna know, why does it sting?â she wonders on âSting,â the albumâs bass-heavy opener. âWhy am I still hung up on things? / Are you gonna give that diamond ring / That’s meant for me to her?â
As the album unfolds, Fletcher delves deeper, examining her own actions with the angsty, pop punk-tinged sound and diaristic lyrics her fans have come to know and love. On the introspective, stripped-down âBetter Version,â she laments helping her ex become a better version of herself, only to watch someone else reap the rewards. Itâs familiar territory for Fletcher, whose discography is full of bitter breakup tracks. But the song takes an unexpectedly mature turn on the bridge, when Fletcher acknowledges the ways her ex supported her personal growth, too.
âIt was a really hard thing for me to grapple with when I was writing that song,â she shares. âI think it’s beautiful that people get you where you are at that point in your life, and you can’t change that. But I really wanted to have a song that captured that complex feeling â like, fuck, I know it’s for the better that we’ve moved on, but somebody’s gonna get the better version [of you]. And I wanted that to be for us.â
It isnât the only complex feeling Fletcher tackles on Girl of My Dreams. âBeckyâs So Hot,â the albumâs sultry, guitar-driven second single, became the celebrity gossip du jour on lesbian TikTok after fans realized it name-drops Becky Missal, Beveridgeâs current girlfriend.
In classic Fletcher fashion, the artist confesses her feelings in their rawest form: Becky is really hot, and stumbling upon an Instagram post of her wearing a t-shirt from Beveridgeâs closet isnât enough to stop Fletcher from wanting to âknow how she [tastes].â âFine, OK, Iâll say, I went and stalked her,â she sings. âAnd I donât really blame you âcause / Damn, the waist, the hips, the face, this is awkward.â
The lyrics are undeniably complimentary, although Beveridge and Missal didnât take kindly to Fletcherâs lack of subtlety. Some of Fletcherâs fans questioned whether she crossed a line with the name-drop. Others praised her for normalizing being messy. But even after becoming the main character of lesbian TikTok, the singer has no regrets. âLike, yeah, this is messy and complex,â she admits, âbut it was true, and I’ve never been a person to edit my narrative. I don’t believe in censorship. Like, let’s talk about an honest feeling. That’s all I ever want to do.â And besides, if Missal and Beveridgeâs passive-aggressive âvintage t-shirtâ venture is any indication, they arenât that upset by the newfound attention.
âIâve been fucking singing about sex and girls for my entire discography!â Fletcher adds, laughing. âLike, itâs not that deep. Iâm not trying to fuck anyoneâs girlfriend. Letâs just call it what it is.â
The accompanying music video for âBeckyâs So Hotâ â a three-minute fever dream of luxury sports cars and lesbian lust co-starring queer actress Bella Thorne â is one of Fletcherâs gayest releases to date, and thatâs saying something. From âUndrunk,â her 2019 breakout hit, to âGirls Girls Girls,â her 2021 reimagining of Katy Perryâs late-aughts hit âI Kissed a Girl,â unabashed queer desire is central to her brand. âIt used to be something that was really terrifying for me when I was first starting out,â Fletcher recalls. âI was hearing a lot of things. People were like, âAre you sure you should do that? This might hurt your career. You might alienate people.ââ
Growing up in a religious household, Fletcher spent her childhood and adolescence making parts of herself small. It was partly for her own safety and because it was âeasierâ to stay quiet. But when she started recording and releasing her own music in 2016, Fletcher began incorporating queer sexuality into her lyrics. She didnât stop after signing to Capitol Records in 2018. âMy sexuality has been a really big part of my self-exploration journey,â she explains, âso it’s taken a front seat in the car of my life. But it more so comes from a place of wanting to live life truthfully.â
Which brings us back to Girl of My Dreams. On the euphoric âHer Body Is Bible,â Fletcher employs the language of religion to celebrate her queerness (âAmen, oh, her body is Bible / The only Heaven that I knowâ). This reconciliation lays the groundwork for the title track, an unlikely self-love anthem. On the first verse, Fletcher gives us the taxonomy of her three big loves â including Beveridge, who âcouldâve been the one / But forever only took a couple trips around the sun.â But whoâs this mysterious girl of Fletcherâs dreams? âI got a new rebound,â she declares. âIâm falling for me now.â
It is no mistake that Fletcher sings about self-love as an action.She remembers signing up for a 21-day âlearn how to love yourself fucking mirror-work program.â One assignment was to look yourself in the eyes in the mirror and say âI love youâ with your name at the end.
The exercise was simple enough, but Fletcher found it âreally emotional,â almost creepy. It wasnât until she tried tacking on âbitchâ instead of her name that she could look herself in the eyes, say those words, and really mean it. She went into the studio that day and wrote âI Love You, Bitch,â an uplifting bop that references this affirmation exercise directly.
There is no one-size-fits-all approach to cultivating self-love. âUnderstanding that you have the power to change,â Fletcher says, âthatâs what making this album has shown me.â